The Years Before
by tetedemort
Summary: All is not as it seems among the Marauders, and after they join the Order, secrets and lies threaten to tear them apart. Will any of them be able to find happiness? Will Lily and James reconcile? Will Sirius come to terms with their marriage? MWPP era
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer**: The Harry Potter universe and all its characters belongs to J. K. Rowling.

**Chapter One**  
_February 15, 1979_

It was an unfortunate day for James Potter to learn that, when used improperly, cravat-tying spells were exceedingly dangerous.

A state of emergency was called and Remus had to be brought in after Sirius' attempts to cut the tie only resulted in the fine silk looming up like some especially smooth and deadly snake. James was blue in the face by the time Remus was able to stop laughing long enough to shout, "_Finite Incantatem!_"

"You don't have to be so _gleeful_ about it, Moony," James said, rubbing the tender burns around his neck.

Remus barely held in another snort of laughter. "You really should have seen yourself. Honestly, James, I don't know how you could botch such a simple spell." He bent down to help James untangle the tie from around his neck.

"I could have _died_," James pursued. "And then how could you have ever forgiven yourself? Standing by, laughing at your very best mate as he lay on the floor, suffocating. You would forever be known as the cruel man that killed the glorious James Potter." A different thought seemed to strike him, and his expression fell from mock outrage to genuine panic. "What if it happens again? What if I die?" He gripped onto Remus' arms and collapsed back onto the floor. "Please, Remus, if I am strangled by my tie or if my socks suffocate me, please, lie to Lily and say that I died an honorable death while fighting to defend her name!"

Remus gave James what Sirius liked to call his 'you are the stupidest person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting and you are wasting my time' smile – the name of which Remus hotly objected – and hauled him up onto his feet. He turned James away from the mirror and tried to flatten the creases out of his tie, finally giving up in frustration. "Stand still," he said impatiently.

"What–?"

"Well, since you and Sirius are the geniuses when it comes to spells and since you both have proven yourselves to be completely inept today, I don't think it would be wise for me to risk trying out the spell myself, not when there are people who are counting on you to be alive. We won't take such risk." With one quick movement, Remus threaded the tie beneath James' collar. James struggled, but when Remus tightened it quickly around his throat like a noose, James subsided.

While Peter had been watching the struggle with glee from the corner (where he often sat when he was nervous), Sirius had fallen into a quiet despair.

"Are you sure you want to do this, mate?" Sirius sat slouched on the damask ottoman with his hair sticking in his eyes, looking completely and utterly lost, as if such a pitiful face might dissuade James from what he was about to do.

"Sirius." There was a note of weariness in Remus' warning. They had been over this before, more than once that day. He straightened up when James's pitiful tie had been righted.

But Sirius pushed on. "I mean, really, James. Just– really."

James turned his back toward Sirius and began straightening his hair in the mirror, trying to avoid meeting his friend's piercing gaze.

There was a long silence. Remus cleared his throat nervously. "Well, I guess I'll be going out to see how the reception's going. Peter, would you like to join me?" When Peter didn't immediately take his eyes away from the statues that were James and Sirius, Remus said, "Pete?" and gave him a significant and rather obvious motion to follow him out the door.

"But–" Remus' expression froze the protest in his throat. "Oh, fine."

They closed the door quietly behind them, shutting out the swell of chatter and laughter that surged in as soon as the door opened.

Sirius opened his mouth before James had a chance. "My bike's waiting outside–"

"I'm_not_ running, Sirius."

"You can stop pretending now. We're alone, just you and me now, James."

James moved his hands to his throat to adjust the neat tie, but thought better of it. "I really do intend to marry Lily Potter– I mean, Lily Evans. Haha, it really odes have a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Lily Potter, Lily Potter, Lily–" And then he fell apart into slightly hysterical laughter.

Sirius leaned back on the ottoman, carefully balancing himself. "You really do want to marry her, then?"

James was the only person Sirius knew that could go from jovial to serious in so short a time. He placed his fingertips lightly on the countertop in front of him, for lack of a better thing to do with them. "Yes. What, did you think that this was a joke?"

Sirius frowned at him, unnatural compared to his playful pouts. "It wouldn't be the first time that you'd taken a joke too far."

James glanced over his shoulder and glared at him.

"Look, Prongs. Evans is a great girl and all, sure, and we all know that you are mad about her. Literally, you are a madman." No reaction from James; Sirius continued, somewhat more cautiously than was usual for him. "But don't you think it's strange that until a few months ago, she would have rather jumped off the tallest tower in Hogwarts than speak to you? And then all of a sudden she has a change of heart and she's all googly over you and just as mad as you are and planning out your wedding even before we're out of Hogwarts. Am I imagining things?"

James huffed. "It was inevitable, I've told you." He worked up a cheeky grin. "Everyone falls for my natural charm and charisma eventually–"

"You don't have to get married," Sirius said abruptly. "You're too young for this–"

"You sound like my parents." James turned back towards the mirror and scowled, so that he wouldn't have to confront his friend head on. That was something Lily had taught him – when dealing with someone like Sirius, never look them straight in the eyes, because Sirius had some strange power over James that he never could stay mad at him, even if he should.

Sirius grimaced and hunched over, picking at a piece of loose thread on the ottoman. He was in defensive position, James could tell.

Finally, James said, "What is it that you have against me marrying Lily, anyway? Do you want her for yourself, or something?" The words were meant to be light, but the stress that gave them a strange sharpness.

Sirius looked up and they locked eyes in the mirror. A small grin formed on his lips, and was immediately suppressed as best Sirius could manage. "Yes, yes, Potter. I am madly in love with your girl. I have been madly in love with her since the first moment I laid eyes on her, a moment which was soon followed by many years of her calling me a 'rotten pureblood' and threatening me with violence." He let out a bark of laughter. "No, thank you. You can keep her."

James smiled in spite of the Lily-part of his brain that called him a dunce. "Do I detect a note of bitterness? What, Sirius, not used to not having every girl you meet falling head-over-heels in love with you?**"**

"I could have her if I wanted," Sirius said indignantly. The conversation was beginning to drift into dangerous territories, but Sirius couldn't force himself to turn back. "She told me once that she was just using you to get to me."

James grimaced.

"Too far?"

He shrugged impatiently, and an uncomfortable silence fell over them.

Finally, James said, "Why don't you want me to get married?"

Sirius leaned back so that his head touched the floor on the other side of the ottoman, his legs hooked over the side, so that he wouldn't have to look at James. He practiced bridging, and his arching back felt good and physical and like something that he understood, not like this question that hung in the air between them that sounded like what a girl would say. He didn't want to think about these things, didn't want to examine why he reacted the way he did, how things made him feel, why, why, why was he asking him something like this when Sirius knew how much James hated _feelings_–?

"Pads?"

His voice slightly muffled, quiet, Sirius said, "We won't be the Marauders anymore." His voice was heavy, and he tried to make it sound lighter towards the end, but it just sounded hollow and unnatural, sad.

The silence almost made Sirius sit up to see if James was laughing at him behind his hand.

"Just because I'm married," James said carefully, "doesn't mean that I can't–"

"Oh, yes it does." Blood was rushing to his head so that it felt swollen and heavy, and he could hear it rushing about through his ears, but he couldn't bring himself to look at James. "Life isn't the same after you get married. She'll expect you to have a real job so that you can pay for the baby food, and she'll want you to be always wearing clean socks and to be home every evening early for Family Game Night, and she'll expressly _forbid_ you from going out with your mates. No time for us. She thinks we're a bad influence, anyways."

"Lily doesn't hate you."

"She hates how you are around us, which is the same as hating us."

Another long pause, and this time Sirius did have to sit up. James – all two of him as Sirius' vision righted itself as the blood rushed away from his brain – was leaning against the counter, a very serious expression on his face. Sirius flicked his gaze away after a couple seconds.

"Sirius," James said, his voice low.

And here it comes, the moment when James makes his split from the Marauders forever, the moment in which he gives up everything for a girl, no matter how many times Sirius might have told him not to, the moment–

"Are you jealous of Lily?"

James said it with such a straight face that if Sirius hadn't known James since they were first years, had he not known that whenever James tried to keep a straight face, the left corner of his mouth twitched uncontrollably, he would have thought James was serious.

"You _prick_."

James, still with his dead-pan expression, held his arms out wide. "Do you want a hug? Is that what you want, Pads? I'm sure that these past few weeks have been hard on you, what with all our wedding preparations and not enough Sirius-James time. Come on, give us a kiss."

"Nutter," Sirius said. "Berk."

The door opened, and Remus paused only for a second upon seeing James holding his hands out to Sirius. He didn't comment on it. "You're _late_," he hissed. "We've been waiting for you; everyone is wondering where you are."

James ran down the aisle, closely followed by Sirius, and took up his position to one side of the priest. The wedding march had already begun on the giant organ, whose pipes covered one whole wall. Lily was waiting at the end of the hall, her father standing next to her, and even from this distance, Sirius could see the annoyance on her face. They wouldn't have a very peaceful nuptial night, Sirius guessed.

Sirius found his attention waning after Lily reached James and after the old priest finally began to speak. He let his eyes wander over the crowd; it was small, as weddings go, mostly their close family and friends, and members of the Order. Dumbledore sat in the front row, and Sirius was certain that he was only there to make James feel nervous.

It was certainly working. From where he was standing, slightly behind him, he could only see James' ear and part of his cheek and his protruding glasses, but he could tell how nervous he was just from the way he stood slouched over a bit and how red his ears were. Sirius gently patted him on the shoulder and James jumped.

The rest of the ceremony passed in a hazy fog for Sirius, probably because he fell asleep several times to the droning of the priest. It was like Hogwarts all over again, complete with a disapproving teacher watching him – although with Dumbledore, he was never quite certain when the twinkle in his eyes signaled malice or amusement.

"… you are to be one and undivided …"

His eyes were automatically drawn to Remus and Peter sitting in the front row, right next to Dumbledore. Remus looked nervous, but his fear was nothing compared to Peter's who was visibly sweating and glancing over at the serene headmaster as if he was terrified that Dumbledore would ask him to come talk to him in his office at any moment.

Sirius caught Peter's eye and grinned wide. Peter stared back at him for a moment, bewildered, then smiled in that daft way of his and waved enthusiastically. Remus stomped on Peter's foot to put an end to the madness and shook his head in disapproval at Sirius.

He was vaguely aware that James was speaking now, but as soon as he mentioned the word 'love,' Sirius forced his attention away. It wasn't as though he were trying to stop this marriage, trying to make James a bachelor just like him. He wasn't trying to change anything. Sirius didn't like change, not when it meant that his closest friend, the only one that seemed to understand him without his having to use words, the one that knew what Sirius' basic element was, would be lost forever to the bonds of marriage.

"… as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Lily said, and Sirius realized that it was all over.

"You may now kiss the bride."

**Author's Note**: Let me know whether you like it or not! The story's still in the works, and any criticism or kind words are greatly, greatly appreciated. (:  
Title, as far as I can tell, is temporary. Good, bad, any ideas? I'm terrible at naming things.


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling.

**Chapter Two**  
_March 15, 1979_

Lily had marked March fifteenth on the calendar with a bright pink pen and a garishly large heart. She had done this one morning while James was still asleep – the woman got up obnoxiously early, how could he be expected to keep an eye on her all the time? – so of course he'd had no say in the affair, and so he was stuck with a giant, girlish heart on his calendar.

This wouldn't have been such a tragedy, except that his mates would be over that night, and he wasn't keen on giving them yet another thing to mock him about.

Unfortunately, Lily noticed that the calendar had gone missing. She was on the phone with her parents when she shouted down the hall, "James, have you seen the calendar?"

"What?" He shoved the oversized bundle of glossy paper beneath a cushion in the couch and never even once thought about feeling ridiculous and petty.

"The calendar, have you seen it?"

"Hmm, the calendar. No, I don't think I have."

There was a short silence, and then he heard the light thumps of Lily walking down the carpeted hallway. "Are you sure?"

"Sure of what?"

"That you haven't seen it."

"Oh, yes, that. The calendar. Quite, quite, quite certain. Yes, I am quite, quite certain."

Maybe it was the 'quite's, but Lily didn't seem convinced. She leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms as though she expected this standoff to draw on for a long time. "Oh? That certain, huh?"

James knew that everything was over if the next word out of his mouth was– "Quite." It escaped as more of a squeak.

It didn't take her long to find it. Her sharp eyes scanned the room, radiating out from where James stood hunched awkwardly in the center of the carpet. Without a word, she crossed the floor to the couch and reached under a cushion. "James," she said, before she pulled her hand out from beneath the pillow, "what is our calendar doing in the couch?"

James feigned surprise. He was a terrible actor around Lily, especially when her eyes seemed to pierce his soul in just the same way as Dumbledore's had. "Oh! Is that where it is? I've been looking for it all morning. You know, I really should do something about those gnomes–"

"I know you hid it," she said, without changing her expression. She crossed her arms, the crumpled calendar held loosely in one of her hands. "Tell me James, because I don't understand: _why_ did you hide it?"

If he were back at Hogwarts, Dumbledore's eyes and McGonagall's frown aside, he would have had a whole slew of excuses at his fingertips – it's a new game he heard of where you hide household items and see how long it takes your spouse to notice (Lily won!), he was adjusting the height of the cushions, it's a family tradition. Instead, he showed Lily his soon-to-be-famous beached cod impersonation.

"What is _wrong_ with you, James?"

He knew how to answer this one. "I am a cod."

Lily raised her eyebrows, looked a little like she feared for her safety living in the house of a cod-man.

He rubbed a hand over his face. "I mean– that wasn't exactly what I meant to say–"

"Why are you hiding the calendar?"

"I don't understand why this is such a problem."

Lily gave him a look that he was certain was supposed to have some deeper meaning, but to him it just looked like a particularly Bad Look. She shrugged, defeated, and walked back down the hall.

James followed her close behind. "Lily, wait."

She stopped, paused for a moment before turning around to give him a forced smile. "What?" The sharpness in her voice betrayed her irritation.

"Er– are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm quite fine." She turned around again and walked quickly towards the kitchen

He pursued. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Because you don't sound–"

She slammed the calendar down on the counter, and her calm expression was at complete odds with the way she held herself. "James, it's fine. I don't care, it doesn't matter." And to prove she meant what she said to both him and herself, she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaned up, and kissed him.

All was forgiven.

James grinned down at her. At least she seemed to be in a better mood. He still wasn't quite sure why she cared so much about a calendar. "So," he said, squeezing his arms around her waist, "have you decided what you're going to make for dinner tonight?"

A small crease appeared between her eyebrows. "What do you mean? I thought we were going out to dinner. It's our one-month anniversary."

James spoke with his hands when he got nervous, but his hands remained resting lightly on her hips. "I was thinking we could do that for– well, for a more important anniversary. Sirius suggested that we all have dinner together, as a sort of reunion–"

Lily pushed away from him. "What?"

"Er."

"You never said anything about this."

"Well–" His hands fluttered near his waist. "It was sort of last minute. Sirius just sent an owl post yesterday." At Lily's expression, he said quickly, "I was going to tell you, when the time was right."

"We're spending our anniversary, our first anniversary, with _your_ mates?"

In defense of himself, James said, "I thought you got along very well with Remus–"

"Your _mates_?"

"It's not as though this is our only anniversary ever–!"

"It might be!" Lily stood with her arms crossed, staring defiantly at him, her chin raised so that she was looking down her nose at James, even though she was a foot shorter than him.

James blanched. "Lily– you don't– _mean_ that."

She looked down at her hands; they balled into fists at her sides. Something seemed to drain from her severity, because her shoulder slouched and she crossed her arms again in front of her chest. Never quiet meeting his eyes, she said, "No, I guess I don't." She looked into his eyes and looked away again, turning away from him and placing her hands flat out on the counter. Her wedding ring glinted up at him ironically.

James wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his chin on her shoulder.

"All right," Lily said.

James didn't dare ask what was all right.

"Fine, we'll have dinner with them." She turned around and just barely met his gaze. "But only if you get me a really good present. Expensive."

He grinned and kissed her forehead. "If by good you mean thoughtful and by expensive you mean a good bargain, then of course, what do you take me for?"

"A dick."

He cupped her face between his hands and kissed her again. "Thanks," he said quietly. He walked back down to the living room, saying as he left, "They'll be here at seven; if dinner could be ready by then, that would be great."

Lily wasn't sure how she managed to cook a dinner for five in fifteen minutes, she just knew that she loved magic. The oven timer trilled at the same time their doorbell buzzed, signaling the arrival of the night's chaos. Even though she heard James running to get it – Merlin, they were all still as immature as teenage boys – she counted twenty rings before she lost count. Obviously, Sirius had arrived.

She heard a loud crash in the entryway and even louder shouts. More curious than alarmed, she peeked down the hallway, wiping off her hands on her apron.

A pile of lanky limbs, untamable hair, and wide grins seethed about on the floor, narrowly missing the side table by a few centimeters. Finally, Sirius had James pinned beneath him, and they stopped, breathing heavily.

"Ha ha," Sirius said, still breathless, "I win."

James shoved him off, and they both stood, their tall frames unfolding slowly. James pushed Sirius, Sirius pushed him back, and they gripped each other in a tight hug, with more wandering hands than when Lily and James embraced.

Lily decided that she would never understand boy rituals.

"It's been months–!"

"Hasn't, you berk, it's only been one month–"

"Felt like long enough, like ten times that–" Sirius gripped James by the shoulders. He glanced down the dark hallway. "Oh, hey, Lily." He waved at her brightly.

She didn't move, tried to convey her annoyance at his mere presence by just her expression.

It appeared to work. He faltered, raised his eyebrows at James. Lily saw James shake his head to the side once, sharply.

She noticed then for the first time that both Remus and Peter were standing on the doorstep, had been standing there watching the Greeting Ritual by the expressions on their faces. She pushed away from the door frame and walked leisurely down the hall. Purposefully looking past Sirius who stared at her with an injured expression, she said, "Remus, Peter, I'm glad you could make it – on such short notice."

"Short notice?" Peter said, and James hissed behind her, but he didn't seem to understand quickly enough. He looked to Remus. "I thought we'd been planning this for weeks?"

"Oh?" Lily said.

Remus said quietly, "It was news to me," but he wouldn't meet her eyes after saying so.

So they had been _planning_ it.

"Dinner's ready," she said shortly.

**Author's Note**: Oh, I do love a good argument. Hope you enjoy this. Please keep reading and reviewing, and thanks tons to those of you who took the time! (:


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